The Hills
July 20, 2006
Hi. My name is Jasmine, and I'm a procrastinator.
That's right. The girl who's supposed to bring you witty, pithy recaps of some of your favorite summer programming has a problem. She is, like, fried. The world is fully of bad summer shows and I am but one pudgy girl.
I was looking at my DVR and this is what I have to watch:
- The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency: 3
- Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat: 2
- The Hills: 2
I know the dozens of you who read my stuff are probably unsympathetic, so let me see if I can recap 3.5 hours of television in a single post that won't get you into trouble reading it when you're supposed to be doing those cover sheets for those TPS reports.
July 5, 2006
Lunch. Heidi, Lauren, and, in her only appearance of the episode, Audrina. I know, I'm choking back the tears, too. Heidi exposits that she and Jordan will be celebrating their sixth anniversary. Lauren reminisces that, in high school, a good girl would "give it up" after six months. Heidi looks scandalized, but only barely.
June 30, 2006
I think whoever is in charge of reality programming for MTV has a thing for crappy boyfriends. First there was Wes the abusive and yell-y on this week's episode of Real World/Road Rules Challenge, and now Jason and Lauren may break before they even get to reunite? Blech.
June 24, 2006
In "Lauren And Jason, Take Two", Jason (who some of you may recognize from Laguna Beach) comes back into Lauren's life. First with the oh-so-casual-you-know-he-must-have-spent-30-minutes-working-on-sounding-casual message on her machine when gets back from New York City. A bouquet of gigantic flowers, so huge it is basically a tree, accompanied by the following note:
June 16, 2006
I was so excited about finally catching up with Oxygen's "The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency". Truly and seriously, I was gonna sit down with my VCR (remember VCRs? they're like DVRs but with these wacky things called "video tapes") and recap that, "The Hills", "The Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat". Maybe even through in "Making the Band" just for giggles.
June 13, 2006
The truth is, I didn't think I wouldn't be able to recap last week's episode. I thought "Okay, so I'll be in Ft. Lauderdale for work. I'm so sure that I'll find a television playing 'The Hills' and that I'll be able to turn on the closed captioning, then ask whoever might be sitting nearby -- friend, co-worker, bartender, whoever -- for their thoughts on LC's eyelining technique."
But I was so wrong. The heat and humidity of south Florida conspired to keep me in a pool for most of the free time that I had, and the hotel room cable had not one but FOUR flavors of ESPN but no MTV. Bah! I consoled myself with deep friend grouper sticks at the Quarterdeck and pondered how to make it up to the dozens of you who read my recaps.
June 1, 2006
Maybe it was the New York Times' Virginia Heffernan's review that got me to the television to watch the series premiere of The Hills. Maybe I was too lazy to get my arse off the couch after an hour of Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat. Maybe I just wanted to see if it was any better than sister station VH1's take on the struggles of rich white girls, So NoTORIous, because if there's something that all viewers can agree on it's rich white girls (just ask the networks still covering the Natalee Holloway case).
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